don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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