Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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