i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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