If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
