i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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