i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I could make wine with my vomit
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
