So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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