your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
