That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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