After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
