I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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