What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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