i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
