Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
