Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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