Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
