he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
