I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
