I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
