Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
