My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
