Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
