Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize