Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
