Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
