then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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