im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
