wakey wakey hands off snakey
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
