When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
