They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
