Please, let me fuck your mom
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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