I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
