i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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