My hand turned me down
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
