My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
