Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
