Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
