Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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