Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You are the jesus of drinking
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
