ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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