i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
