I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Congratulations! We have a period
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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