have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
