dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
