as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
