I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
