I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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