I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
