i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize