Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize