yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize