If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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