i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
