Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
