I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
