non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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