dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
