So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
