this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
