It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
