Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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