Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
