You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
