Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
