too bad you live with your parents still
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
